Body Shaming: How NOT to

Dear Ms. Fear,

It’s getting MUCH worse. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror I stand and I stare at my reflection. I don’t see myself as a normal human being, I see myself as a monster that keeps growing. I always give myself this ‘hate talk’ when I’m looking at myself, because I don’t like what I see. It all started during the summer break in 2014, I was 13 years of age. I traveled to a country far from Canada to see my family. I am always excited to get back and reunite after a long time, but one thing had stopped me from that. Whenever I go there, my family would compliment my sister on how much she had lost weight over the year, and when they see me, they say “ ---- you need to eat less! you’ll become fat and weird” Hearing this at the age of 13 affected me A LOT.

After that, I believed that everyone thought fat people, like myself, are weird so I made little amount of friends in middle school, whom I barely talked with (just so I don’t get judged).

As I grew older, I started hiding my body, making it hidden from the world to see. I started wearing sweatpants and big comfy sweaters to hide the fat that’s underneath. Through the years of 2014 to 2017 my New Year's resolutions had always been to lose weight, but ever since that clock hits 12:00 AM I would eat cake to celebrate New Years, and the resolutions would fade away.

Now that it’s 2018, I still hate my body, it’s my biggest insecurity. I got made fun of my weight by my friends at school whom made me hate my body even more. This is still affecting me mentally, I am getting more aggressive and rude towards people because if I can’t find/have love and respect for myself and my body, how can I love and respect others? How can I start loving myself and my body and reduce the ‘hate talk’ I give myself?

MONSTER

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Dear Monster (though last I checked, the only form of intelligent life currently known to mankind is human and you did write to me which means that you're probably not a monster),

Everyone has days where they look in the mirror and they're disgusted with what looks back at them. My answer to you is to just let go. Rip the mirror down if it irritates you or makes you cry or hate. Let go of the toxic person that stands at that mirror waiting for a skinny, conventional body. Life is much too short not to eat the cake. If cake is what you want then who gives a damn about other people judging you?

I get it, though. Your mind will always worry and cause you anxiety for no reason but to torture yourself and plague your body with flaws that aren't really there. You might see a fat, ugly body but others see a curvy beauty or a cute teddy bear they want to suffocate with hugs or a brave and badass person who doesn't give two shits about anyone else or… they just see you.

One day, Monster-Not-Monster, you'll see yourself the way you want to. People gain weight and lose weight, people get haircuts and grow their hair out, people are short and tall. People will come and go, you will change and transform.

The thing that matters most? Is that you see yourself the way you want. Not the way your mom or dad want. Not the way your friends want. Not the way a stranger wants. Not the way your boyfriend or girlfriend wants. Not the way your brother or sister want.

You chose the way you see the body that possesses your soul and one day, we'll all be dead (the question is simply when) and none of any of the fat in your body will matter to anyone. All that will matter is how much they loved you and how much you meant -mean- to them. Your are not defined by a body. You are defined by you. So, grab a pen and paper, grab your headphones and your playlist and write down the definition of who your are. Not a body. Not fat. Not weird. Not ugly. Not blemished or flawed.

You, in your own way, are beautiful. You, in your own way, are kindred. You, in every way, are human.

We all have flaws, but they're what make us better. They make us beautiful.

Sincerely, Ms. Fear